This week I'm going to talk about conflict. We deal with it a lot, and after researching it for a class I took last semester, I thought I would share what I learned about how to make conflict a positive thing.
To kick this off I'm going to overview the 3 sources of conflict in any given situation. First is Task Conflict which is basically just creative differences, Process Conflict which is essentially the spirit of get off my lawn, and then Relationship Conflict which is simply interpersonal incompatibility.
Now, no matter which type you're dealing with it effects everyone involved even if it's ignored. You never actually ignore conflict it just accumulates and makes you bitter, so dealing with it is always the best plan but how do you do that effectively? How do you make it a good thing?
Most people don't tend to see conflict as an opportunity to solve a problem or come to a middle ground. We have a tendency, I feel like, to dig our heels in because we're right and how dare you not see that! But, making the most of these situations depends on several different factors: the emotional stability of the people involved, the open-mindedness of everyone involved and most importantly the psychological safety of the environment you're in. In order to successfully deal with conflict you have to feel comfortable voicing a dissenting opinion, you have to be able to keep your cool, you have to be able to trust that the other people are going to keep their cool, you have to be willing to see the problem from the other people's perspective, be willing to consider the other person's opinion and they have to do the same. Everyone has to be open to the possibility that they're wrong, if not entirely then at least in part, and that's hard for people. No one wants to be wrong. We want everyone to see things our way and that's understandable, but it doesn't mean you're right.
The bottom line is we need to feel safe enough to speak up and have a conversation, otherwise the issue will fester and be so much worse later. Emotional stability, open-mindedness, and psychological safety I feel like are all pretty common sense things you need in order to resolve anything, especially the big stuff, but not everything you can control. You can control your emotional stability, and your open-mindedness but you can't control the psychological safety. You can overcome the climate and say something but if the environment wasn't open to a dissenting opinion that conflict is probably not going to work for you.
These factors really resonated with me when considering our society. I don't feel we have any of these factors in our society as a whole. You love Trump? People immediately hate you. You love Hilary? People immediately hate you. You didn't vote? People immediately hate you. That's one point off for emotional stability. You want to consider Trump is doing something right? No, because he's not. You want to consider Trump is doing something wrong? No, because he's not. That's another point off for open-mindedness. Now let's talk psychological safety. I remember during the election people were polling and Trump wasn't doing very well, but it was, and still is, very controversial to support him--so were people really going to admit to voting for him in public? Not in most places, and clearly that was the case. He won and NO ONE expected that, and the last point is docked for psychological safety. 0/3 guys. 0/3.
Considering all of these things, is it really any shock we have the problems we have? People are afraid to be politically incorrect, people are afraid to be wrong. People are just afraid, and we don't have the necessary tools as a society to resolve any of these conflicts, which is scary to think about because without these things, it's not going to get better.
So, the next time you encounter a problem, check your emotional response, check how open you are to the other persons point of view, and check if you feel comfortable saying something about it. The more level headed and open you can be, the better chance you have of resolving the conflict amicably and moving on with your life, which is what everyone wants right?
Now, which form of conflict do you run into the most? Why do you think that is? Which factor do you feel is most important?
Go drink some water and I'll talk to you next week.
Sincerely,
Cori
To kick this off I'm going to overview the 3 sources of conflict in any given situation. First is Task Conflict which is basically just creative differences, Process Conflict which is essentially the spirit of get off my lawn, and then Relationship Conflict which is simply interpersonal incompatibility.
Now, no matter which type you're dealing with it effects everyone involved even if it's ignored. You never actually ignore conflict it just accumulates and makes you bitter, so dealing with it is always the best plan but how do you do that effectively? How do you make it a good thing?
Most people don't tend to see conflict as an opportunity to solve a problem or come to a middle ground. We have a tendency, I feel like, to dig our heels in because we're right and how dare you not see that! But, making the most of these situations depends on several different factors: the emotional stability of the people involved, the open-mindedness of everyone involved and most importantly the psychological safety of the environment you're in. In order to successfully deal with conflict you have to feel comfortable voicing a dissenting opinion, you have to be able to keep your cool, you have to be able to trust that the other people are going to keep their cool, you have to be willing to see the problem from the other people's perspective, be willing to consider the other person's opinion and they have to do the same. Everyone has to be open to the possibility that they're wrong, if not entirely then at least in part, and that's hard for people. No one wants to be wrong. We want everyone to see things our way and that's understandable, but it doesn't mean you're right.
The bottom line is we need to feel safe enough to speak up and have a conversation, otherwise the issue will fester and be so much worse later. Emotional stability, open-mindedness, and psychological safety I feel like are all pretty common sense things you need in order to resolve anything, especially the big stuff, but not everything you can control. You can control your emotional stability, and your open-mindedness but you can't control the psychological safety. You can overcome the climate and say something but if the environment wasn't open to a dissenting opinion that conflict is probably not going to work for you.
These factors really resonated with me when considering our society. I don't feel we have any of these factors in our society as a whole. You love Trump? People immediately hate you. You love Hilary? People immediately hate you. You didn't vote? People immediately hate you. That's one point off for emotional stability. You want to consider Trump is doing something right? No, because he's not. You want to consider Trump is doing something wrong? No, because he's not. That's another point off for open-mindedness. Now let's talk psychological safety. I remember during the election people were polling and Trump wasn't doing very well, but it was, and still is, very controversial to support him--so were people really going to admit to voting for him in public? Not in most places, and clearly that was the case. He won and NO ONE expected that, and the last point is docked for psychological safety. 0/3 guys. 0/3.
Considering all of these things, is it really any shock we have the problems we have? People are afraid to be politically incorrect, people are afraid to be wrong. People are just afraid, and we don't have the necessary tools as a society to resolve any of these conflicts, which is scary to think about because without these things, it's not going to get better.
So, the next time you encounter a problem, check your emotional response, check how open you are to the other persons point of view, and check if you feel comfortable saying something about it. The more level headed and open you can be, the better chance you have of resolving the conflict amicably and moving on with your life, which is what everyone wants right?
Now, which form of conflict do you run into the most? Why do you think that is? Which factor do you feel is most important?
Go drink some water and I'll talk to you next week.
Sincerely,
Cori
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